keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
