I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize