trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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