Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
