I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
