would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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