Already got asked if we're dating
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
