you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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