I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
