3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize