If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've blown a few things in my day
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
