I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
