he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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