I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
