My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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