she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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