I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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