she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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