Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
