also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
