the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
