She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize