UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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