her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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