youre lurking in front of me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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