I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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