He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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