Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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