You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
