New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
