The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
