I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
