you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
