i permit you to call me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i came on her dog
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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