Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
