I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
