Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
