so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
