Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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