I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
