and you said cock pushups were impossible
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In other news, I just burned my penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
