Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
