the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
