Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
