I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
