she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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