At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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