I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
