Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
