How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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