I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
