Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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