If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
