I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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