i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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