this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
