i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
