I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
