I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
