hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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