I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
