We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
