She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
