people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
