Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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