you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
