Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
