In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
