Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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