You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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