I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are the jesus of drinking
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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