what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize