she was so not down for the gang bang
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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