Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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