It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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