Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
