found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
