I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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