Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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