I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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