I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize